Adulthood is knocking at my door. Constantly.
Before the knocking was faint, very hard to hear unless there was complete silence around me. Now it’s so loud I get distracted so easily, unable to think about anything else.
I haven’t been back to college for a week and I had to go through having to get new glasses because my eyesight got worse, and seeing my stupid computer crash when I caved in and tried to instal the new operating system. But even those mundane things have been unable to keep my mind off adulthood.
I agonise over job applications, trying frantically to look for jobs and figure out what it is that I want to do with my life. And these feelings of constant panic are accompanied by bittersweet moments of reflection.
This is it. This is the end of formal education unless I do a master or something. I have worked all of my life towards this goal and all of this will be over by the time I officially graduate this coming July, 29.
I will put on my sub-fusc, my mortar board and I will collect the piece of paper to the claps and enthusiasm of my parents. I will grin and be super excited but I will cry because it’s an end of such an important chapter of my life, and I will be terrified if I won’t have anything sorted out for the next year.
but here are 5 things I have realized recently that make the prospect of adulthood less frightening.
1.The world is my oyster.
Yes, I may still be trying to figure out exactly what I want to do and how to get there but I don’t have to have a definite answer now. I’m young and I have the time to explore careers, meet new people and learn more about myself. I want to travel. I won’t have the time to do that 15 years from now when life will catch up with me and I may find myself with a family of my own, saddled in one place.
2. The journey has been great so far.
I’m incredibly grateful for all the opportunities I have had so far. Wonderful family, wonderful friends have all accompanied me in this journey of my life. I may have lost some friends along the way and I have gained some. There is a constellation of people who have touched me and have made me who I am today. My teachers who have been mostly great, like my primary school teacher who spent her own hard earned money to create a class library system. Thanks to her I love reading. The local librarian who made me think about writing. My best friend who has always been there for me no matter what since I was 7. And all the amazing friends I have met at uni who I hope I will keep in touch with once we’ll leave this place.
3. Good and bad things will happen.
Shit doesn’t always go the way you want it to go. I got rejected from my dream job, which would have allowed me to work in a different country for 3 years. I didn’t get a training contract offer after 3 weeks as an intern at a law firm. And I may be rejected in the future from the stuff I have been applying to now.
I may get my heart broken at some point. I will cry, I will scream, I will get angry and upset and some days I’ll just want to be left alone. But there will be good days to brighten the dark spots in my memories. And all the negative experiences will seem less depressing and I will be able to look at them with a kinder and more reflective eye.
4. Yay to Independence
I will always be close to my family and I will always depend on them somehow. But this will be the chance for me to truly grow up and do my own thing. Getting my own flat, getting my own car (maybe?), choosing where to go on holiday, what to eat, what to do with my life and etc. It’s a chance to put myself to the test and learn what it really means to be in charge of your life and make those hard decisions that make life so interesting.
5. Treat myself with kindness
Loving myself is what will allow me to carry on. It’s not about being vain or anything but it’s about truly believing in yourself and not allowing your fears from controlling you and stopping you from going after what you want. So I need to love myself enough to treat my failures as just that -failures that will not make your world end. I need to love myself enough to ask myself the tough questions and to not be afraid to be alone. I need to love myself enough in order to treat others with kindness and respect.
And once that’s done I will be able to really make the world my oyster.
Do you have any words of wisdom to share for people like me scared and at the same time excited about the prospect of adulthood? Let me know with a comment below!