And inspired me it did!
This status by the kind Duchess Goldblat reminds me of conversations that I regularly have with my parents about life in general.
At some point last year I was very down. I felt like I was failing me, failing my parents, failing pretty much anyone. I felt like I had to aspire to utter perfection and that just paralyzed me with fear of doing anything. How could I do anything if I could not reach perfection?
Thank God, things have changed for me. I’m now ten times more positive, and although at times I still struggle, I’ve realized that it’s okay. I’m a work in progress, and there is always room to improve. But what I understood the most was how truly you need to be happy with yourself, you need to be comfortable with who you are before you can make others happy, before you can do anything in your life.
That’s how I interpret this lovely pearl of wisdom. Home is a person. You could have as your main point of reference, the person you feel most comfortable with be someone else. You would always see them as your lucky star, your guide in the periods of turmoil. But that does not always work out. Life happens, people turn out to be someone else, sometimes people leave by choice or by force. Relying completely on someone else to be your home can become destructive when shit happens.
When I went to a mindfulness course at university, there was one meditation that made me think about who is my main point of reference. The teacher talked about the importance of loving yourself, and how that concept is the basis for everything. You cannot love others unless you love yourself first. You cannot be happy unless you’re happy within. You cannot expect others to make your happiness for you. You need to work on making it a reality, little by little. Let your mind notice and appreciate the realities of life, and let love embrace every cell of your being. Only then you’d be ready to share your life and your love with someone else.
I’m not there yet. I’m working to make that a reality. I’m learning to appreciate and love myself for who I am, and I’m trying to improve aspects of me I’m not too happy with. But I now can love my parents so much more, and love my friends so much more. And I’m definitely more comfortable in my own skin.
I’m becoming my own home.